Walking Through Streets Of Life

Hey Folks,

Today, after a nice long (2hr) walk with my hubby talking about different facets of our lives, I just felt like I should write something so here it is: life is amazing even in the most mundane aspects of it. The fact that we’re here, breathing, controlling most of our body by sheer will all through electrical impulses, growing every day in some way, never mind all the unique talents and traits we each have, the list goes on… is all amazing. Many people do not look at the ‘minor’ things, or take notice of how God interacts in our everyday lives, but I am one of those people who is all about the details. Sometimes too much detail for my own good mind you, but still, that’s how I was designed, and it was for a purpose. It doesn’t matter what anyone else tells you with regards to the special traits you possess, so long as God knows you’re doing your best to use those traits for good, that’s what matters. I learned this the hard way, but I guess that’s the only way I would ever have learned it.

You see, I was pretty stubborn as a kid, but I can say that God knew better and so allowed me to experience many hardships throughout childhood and beyond in order for me to come to the realization that I was spoiled, I didn’t appreciate what I had, didn’t even realize what I had I guess at one point, until my family hit rock bottom. It was rough, and don’t get me wrong, I hated it, and despised myself for many years afterwards because I felt so ashamed of my life. I was depressed, and that lead to me hurting myself and others in different ways, mostly subtle, but in the end, God knew that it would all work for my own good, so He allowed it. And I’m thankful for that, because now that I’m a parent, I can relate to the feeling of wanting my own children to appreciate what they have, and who they have in their lives, including God. And it would be so easy to continue to spoil them, sheerly out of the desire to show them love, but there is something to be said as well for tough love. As when you know that someone does not appreciate what they have, they need to experience a time of less – not to deprive, but to take note of all that they already have/who is in their lives, and to realize that they have much to be thankful for. Especially in this era we live in, at least in North America, where we have so much, so easily available to us, even those of us who are part of the ‘working poor’, we have SO much. How much do you need to live? Well, coming down to basics, we need to stay hydrated, and we need rest, and nutrients of some sort, and medical care when necessary, as well as shelter/clothing to keep us warm and safe. The rest is gravy really, but you would never say that to someone in our society, they would call you crazy. But really, TV’s, computers, furniture, cars, fancy clothing and devices, games, videos, etc., they are all extras. Sure, in our part of the world, we thrive on living online, using computers in pretty much every industry we have, but isn’t that a dangerous thing? Think about it – if anything was to happen to our electronics or internet, we’d all be in the dark – literally. We probably don’t have much skills to keep going, short of any possible camping skills we may have, or special training, but for many people, when the power goes out, they panic. It’s inevitable when your whole society is used to living off the latest technology. Anyways, where I’m going with this is, I have realized throughout my years of having less than everyone around me, that life will go on if I don’t have everything that everyone else has. That is because God knows what I need, and those things quite honestly, I don’t need. He may decide to bless me here and there with something extra special, (which He does), but He is more concerned about my walk with Him than showering me with the latest trendy stuff. As the responsible Father that He is, He allows me to struggle with some things for a while, usually until I realize that I can’t do it without Him, then He comes alongside of me and holds my hand. And THAT my friend is all the reminder that I need to know that I am blessed. Amen.

~Roxy~

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Being Myself part 2

Hello Readers,

Just wanted to share that I’m on a journey back to being myself. What do I mean by that? Well, pretty much ever since becoming a Mom, as probably most of you can relate, I’ve found that I’m drifting ever so slowly away from being myself – or rather, taking some time for ‘me time’. And yes, I do feel the guilt start to rise whenever I try to start doing something and of course a little one starts calling out my name or something else needs my attention. But as my hubby pointed out, he’s not playing the guilt trip thing anymore as a dad, so I shouldn’t do that to myself as a mom either. I need to shift my thinking as I’ve always found it easier to do stuff for others before doing stuff for myself. I think a lot of that has to do with different disappointments I’ve experienced in childhood and life afterwards, but it doesn’t mean it has to end that way. We all can take small steps to ensure that we don’t burnout because we’re ignoring ourselves completely. And let’s face it, it’s so easy to do this as a mom (or dad). I find though that moms just always worry about everyone else’s needs first, as I believe this is how we were made, as the typically supportive role, and emotionally it’s how we operate. We worry about everyone making sure they have their stuff before leaving the house that we often, (I believe), forget to take or do something for ourselves. At least that’s what I find for myself many times. And it’s frustrating, but I brush it off and try again the next day. On top of this, in the midst of soccer games, other events and everyday life, I find I just don’t have the energy to do anything I want to do for myself at the end of the day. And the idea of waking up extra early just to do them doesn’t really sound good to me either, but I also realize I need a bit of encouragement. I admit that. I’m so good at encouraging others to follow their dreams, but when it comes to myself, I tend to give up too soon or just leave things be. It’s just easier I guess not to be disappointed yet again. Like today, when I went to use the rest of a can of spray on primer to hopefully spray one side of a room divider I made, I was only able to coat two thirds of one side before I ran out of paint. Now I need to wait until I can afford more. But I’m going to try again… so please pray that I continue to enjoy the rest of the life God gave me in a way that is pleasing to Him and part of that is by enjoying being me. Thank you. I hope I’ve been able to reach out and touch at least one other soul out there who’s struggling with the same thing. Perhaps we can encourage each other?

Blessings,

Roxy